Jokes Enough to make a cross cat laugh...

Burning Incident

A tragic and sad fire is reported to have destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush.

BOTH of his books have been lost.

Sources close to the president report he is really quite devastated...

Apparently he had not finished colouring in the second one.

Tell the Truth Boy (a long one)
President Bush decided he wanted to hear what "his People" really think about him, so he leaves his body guards outside a small town and walks into a bar. After talking to the elderly barman for a while, he gets around to asking: "And what do you think of this President?"

The barman pauses drying a glass and says, "Do you really want to know my honest-to-god opinion?" "Yes, yes", replies Bush eagerly.

The barman hesitates looking over his shoulder, "No, not here, you never know who is listening and I need this job badly since all my pension funds have gone and I have a sick wife at home. The President ain't gonna help me if I loose my job here for telling the truth. But I tell you what, meet me at the end of the road at two after I finish work."

So after talking a bit more and hearing how half the town are unemployed, Bush drinks up his lemonade and goes out. At two o'clock he is at the end of the street and the barman approaches. "You still wanna know what I think of George W. Bush?" he asks. "Sure", replies the President.

"Well" the barman says looking over his shoulder and pulling nervously at his tie, "I don't want anyone to hear me. Follow me down the road a bit". The President is getting nervous. He had heard people felt bad about his Administration, bad about the unemployment, reductions in spending on schools and lack of medical provision, even bad about the Patriot Act, but that they felt they could not longer speak out? But he follows the barman down the street...

They come to some woodland. "You still want to know?" the barman asks nervously, peering into the trees. "Sure" nods the Bush. "Well, I ain't gonna tell you here. You never do know who is listening. I tell you what, fellah, let's just climb to the top of this here hill."

So the barman takes the path and they hike up to the top of the hill. They can see for miles... Not a soul in sight. Bush is really nervous now. What the heck is this guy going to say? The barman asks again, looking around and up at the sky: "You really, really want to know what I think don't ya?" Bush nods, panting.

"Well come here and I'll whisper in your ear..." Bush is finally going to hear the truth at last! Yes! The barman leans near his ear and whispers quietly: "You know, I don't find Bush all that bad."

Kids Rule! OK!
George Bush visited a school to see if he was still popular among the youth of America. He held a short speech and asked some children if they had any questions for him.

Little Bob raised his hand and said: "I have three questions.
1) How did you win the election even though you had fewer votes?
2) Why did you attack Iraq without the backing of the UN?
3) Do you agree with me, that the bombing of Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist action of the last century?"

At that point the bell rings and all children run out of the classroom. After 5 minutes all the children are back inside and Bush again asks the children if there are any questions they would like to ask.

This time Joe raises his hand and says he has five questions:
1) How did you win the election even though you only came second?
2) Why did you attack Iraq without the backing of the UN?
3) Do you agree with Bob and me, that the bombing of Hiroshima was the biggest terrorist action of the last century?
4) Why did the bell ring 20 minutes early?
5) Where is Bob?

Surgeons confer
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers... those guys always understand when the job takes longer and costs more than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.  There's no guts, no heart, no spine and the head and ass are interchangeable."

News update:
President Bush has indicated that when Iraq has been secured, he intends splitting the country into three provinces:

LEADED, UNLEADED and DIESEL.


You know the world is changing when: the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France thinks the US is arrogant and Germany doesn't want to go to war...