Letters to the Editior Dear Blairing Bush...

Dear BB

I am currently on walkabout in the Australian Outback and keep bumping into a chap I really feel I should know.

He keeps telling me he has been ladding, which is obviously some obscure Ozzie term I am not familiar with. Like everyone else in Australia, he has a funny accent, but I am pretty sure that is what he is saying.

I am a little doubtful at the way he keeps holding my hand, but I have no English-Australian dictionary in my back-pack, so could you please tell me what he means and will it be fun if I go "ladding"?

He seems pretty keen I join him, but you know how shy I am.

Thanx

Maurice L. in Oz

dear blairing bush,
you know that animated barby marshmallow in clipart? well, i was just thinking how it would be good to change it to either bush, blair, bin laden (notice how they are all b's?) or saddam hussein and get it rotating too. have you any ideas how it could be done? thank you for your help

jeff in wellington, new zealand
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Dear Jeff,
Yes, they are definitely all B's, including Saddam. But, no, sorry, we do not have the facilities to change .gifs however we would sure like to help set up a barbeque to film. Good realtime coverage would be possible. We suggest you catch one of the marshmallow contestants and we will provide a grill and the skewers. We may need help with this... any ideas?

The Blairing Bush
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dear bb, well i got a big brother. would he be any help? jeff
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Dear Jeff is his name C. I. Hay? In which case, we think it an excellent idea to get him on our side before we start this project. Please advise

The Blairing Bush
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...awaiting reply.

Cowboys are everywhere:

I heard it on TV news so it HAS to be truuuuuu and correct... not so??? From our TV reporter (by which they mean Sarf Effrikken reporter, OK?) right in Baghdad:

" I can say with complete accuracy that the bombing today is really like 10 times worse than yesterday"

...So she measured it? How?????

"The bombs are falling just a couple of blocks from where we are... About 10 or 12 blocks."

HUH? A couple is 10 or 12? Heckscuse me for my hignerence!

"One could almost say that it is almost definitely like it was a war zone."

Ahem... Dunno what to say... That one leaves even me speechless! These people actually get PAID for this scintillating reporting?

Toni M. in South Africa

Blairing Bush Postscript: Toni would have been more outraged in Mozambique, where a reporter gave full details and a running commentary of the conflict in Iraq. One small detail neither he nor the radio station told the listeners... He was reporting from the comfort and safety of his own front room at home! This little deception was unearthed when he was recognised out shopping.

Just goes to show... Do not believe all you hear!